Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts

9 Jan 2014

I want to dream on...

I have always been a dreamer.
When I was in Primary four, and the teacher had called my name several times and failed to get my attention, she said to the whole class, "Yim Tee is a dreamer". Then she promptly shifted me to the back of the class to be left to my dreaming!

I grew up harboring many dreams in my heart. Some of it was plain necessary as we were poor and i was one of a large brood. I dreamt of running away from home to a different life where there will be toys, a pony and good food... to a place like Sesame Street where people smiled kindly and large puppets, funny and grouchy were your neighbours.

I dreamt of becoming somebody important, like a doctor who saves lives. A singer who is clothed in glamour. At times, i trimmed my dreams to fit my circumstances. Perhaps i could be satisfied with selling roast meat rice, being an air-stewardess, or just getting married ...to someone richer.

But when I was eight, I said a prayer to ask Jesus to be my best friend. Since then, another heart seemed to beat within my bosom. By the time, I had listened to my Sunday school teacher teach us about God's great big world and the perishing millions; a new dream begin to unfold within me. I was going to serve God.

Perhaps due to my humble circumstances, I never really harboured grandiose ideas though I had asked for millions to rid the world of some of its poverty. {did not get it}.

Now nearly forty years on - God's dream for me remains still a few steps beyond me. It's a reaching-for-it that seems to matter to God. There were times when doubts crashed over me and threatened to keep me submerged in the mighty waters of fear, regret and anxiety.

I have had many long months of crying over losses, wondering over what-ifs, angry, frustrated, and just plain frightened. Yet, God holds me still. I have seen my smaller dreams come true as He continues to deftly cut off, fold and shape my heart and my circumstances. I have been sustained and even felt celebrated as God's gifts and goodness continues to enter my life.

I have become a pastor out of obedience and found such deep joy it was like coming home. I am a stay-home-mom out of my convictions and have discovered possibly my favourite job in the world. I have faced my many pains as a woman and suprised myself that God's healing grace in me reaches out to other women. I have followed my husband and moved churches and gained such precious friends along the way. I have written books and now have a longing to fill my bog with biblical insights to teach and reach.

I am still reaching-for. My dream is nothing less than to know God, live His Kingdom out loud and build a movement that will shake up the world! It's way too crazy-big and beyond me and I have come to realize that it isn't up to me to see it comes to pass even though each day i need to work hard at what comes and prayerfully try to anticipate what's around the bend.

Most days, I find huge gaping holes in my motive, action and mood! But Grace has constantly held me together and I have learnt there is a bubbling little brook of Joy that refreshes me though the days can get dreary, discouraging and even downright dark.

In a way, God-sized dreams are precisely that: God-sized!  I'm a really tiny person but the Spirit of God lives in me so I guess there's a way it shall all come together.


3 Sept 2011

dreamers


i keep returning to this.
we are dreamers
of an impossible dream
today
i read about missions
youths, adults, children - 
scattered like salt grains in large plates of rice, wheat, millet..
flvouring 
and preserving?

do you see the young man with his guitar
that young gal walking with the darker skinned sister
the streets mill
with people who don't see them or hear their message

but they stand, sing, speak
and do what they must and what they want
for they are dreaming
that impossible dream

made not
imagined not
attained not
by their sacrifice
tears, fears and weariness...

Yet Someone takes all of it
and mingles it to form miracles

and so, we dream
and 
dream
and dream
on..